Father's day
by Screaming Argonaut
Summary: An obligatory father's day fic. I'm back everyone. Not dead. Ed finds Roy drunk as a skunk and has to take him home NOT YAOI...M for language


Ed was window shopping looking a good gift for Winry. Her birthday wasn't for a couple of months, but Al wouldn't leave Ed alone until he went out and got one, considering he always procrastinated and got her an obviously last-minute gift. So there he was, growling under his breath as his eyes passed over various set of jewelry. Girls liked jewelry, right? He got her some makeup once, but she took it the wrong way and his head had yet to recover. Ed decided that a girl like Winry wouldn't much care for a set of bloody skull earrings from Hot Topic, and walked further down the street.

Without warning, the door of the bar he was passing flew open and a shit-faced Col. Mustang flew out of it. He landed on his ass and turned to shout at the bouncer.

"Yeah, well…Good…FATHERS DAY TO YOU TOO, ASSHOLE!" he slurred. Ed fell backwards for two reasons; one, the door almost hit him in the face. Two, the smell of scotch would have knocked anyone off their feet. When Ed picked himself up, Roy noticed him and half-smiled.

"Hey! Fullmetal! How are ya? Shitty, that's how I am! Those assholes must not have known who I was."

Ed was at loss for words. His superior officer was sprawled on the pavement talking to him like nothing was wrong with the situation. The door opened again and the bouncer stuck his head out again.

"You know him? Good. You take him home." He slammed the door again before Ed could object. He had no idea where Mustang lived, and at this point Roy wouldn't remember. Ed did know he had to get him off the sidewalk before a dog pissed on him. Ed dragged Roy into the nearest alley and placed him against the wall. That action alone took a lot out of the lad. He slumped down next to his superior and pouted. Why was he, of all people, now responsible for bringing the Alcoholic home?

"So….Edward…Whass goin' on? Hey! You got your car? Lezz get some chicks! I'll drive."

"I don't have a license, bastard, or a car, for that matter."

"Ah, that's right. You gotta get a car, man! How's Hal?"

"You mean Al?"

"That's the one!"

"Fine, I guess. He's been on my ass for days about getting Winry a gift." Roy swung his head at Ed and a dorky smile crept across his face.

"You like the lil' Rockbell!" Ed blushed furiously and a vein popped out of his forehead.

"I do not!" he shouted. This night was getting better and better. He chose to quickly change the subject before Roy prodded any deeper. He asked what he was doing out at the bar alone.

"I was drrrinkin' with my pops." He said matter-of-factly.

"Your dad was in there?" Ed asked. Confused at why he didn't follow his inebriated son out of the bar.

"OH! No, he's dead." This made Ed feel not only confused, but a little sympathetic.

"I'm sorry." Ed mumbled. He didn't want the Colonel to think that he cared.

"Don't be! He was an asshole too. Spent too much time at the bar." Ed wanted to comment on the irony but chose to let it go. Instead, he got up and tried his damndest to hoist Roy up.

"Oh, GOD! Mustang, help me out a little!" His legs were shaking under all the weight. Roy barely managed to find his footing. Ed wondered how he could be so drunk without pissing himsel- awesome. Ed now knew it wasn't possible.

About two and a half hours of stumbling around the city with very vague directions from the Colonel, led them to his neighborhood. Roy had sobered up a little bit and started making basic small-talk.

"All you need to know about the Military, Ed, is to keep away from Hawkeye."

"I already knew you had your eyes on her."

"What? No, I mean she's fuckin' scary. Try to avoid her when you fuck up." Ed couldn't help but laugh. Roy looked up and pointed at a house half a block down.

"That's it."

Roy was still too intoxicated to get into his house by himself, so Ed grabbed his keys. He was quite thankful that they were in the pocket not soaked in piss. The ring was full of keys and Ed could only try them one by one. He came across an odd-looking one and asked what it was.

"Those are for my handcuffs." Ed shuddered at the thought of why a Colonel would need a set of handcuffs. Ed was down to the last ten when Roy simply reached out and opened the door. He had left it unlocked when he left. Ed resisted the urge to punch Roy repeatedly in the face. He got Roy's coat off and led him upstairs. He helped Roy get his over shirt off, and let the man deal with his pants by himself. Roy sat on the bed and patted the space next to him. Ed cautiously obliged and sat down.

"How was your father's day Fullmetal?"

"Good, because my dad isn't around." Roy chuckled and stretched.

"I feel the same way. Mother's day is more awkward, because my step-mom works at a strip club. Ugh, I'm glad I never went to take your child to work day!" Ed smiled and stood up.

"I'm gonna go. See you tomorrow." Mustang looked at the clock and noticed that it was 11:30 pm.

"You can spend the night here, Fullmetal. Take the guest room. You can make me my Father's Day breakfast tomorrow since you didn't today." Ed paused. Did he mean what Ed thought he meant? Roy may not be the _ideal_ father figure, but he was one. He was always there for the Elric brothers, and he did care, no matter how cold he could be. Ed nodded and went to his room.

The next morning he actually made some breakfast and even considered bringing it to Roy's room, but what if what Mustang said was just the booze talking? Ed looked around the house as he waited for Mustang to rise-and-shine. He entered the den and something caught his eye. Roy had a photo of the two of them at Ed's state certification the year before. Ed remembered the photo being taken, but he didn't remember the older man's hand being there on his shoulder. Ed walked upstairs to Roy's room to find him snoring in his bed. Ed decided to let him sleep. Then, a good prank popped in his mind. Ed got the paper and cut out a picture of the ugliest woman in there.

Roy woke remembering nothing of the night before. He stumbled downstairs and found some cold breakfast and a note on the table. He sliced it open and read what it said.

_-Roy-boy._

_Thanks for the good time last night. You were…okay, I guess. I've had better. We'll work on it tonight. I'll see you then, cutie!_

_-Bertha_

_p.s. I gave you my cutest picture so you can remember me always! _

When Roy saw the photo in the envelope, he shrieked.


End file.
